How are you today? A well meant question but for stressed out parents, especially those of children with complex needs its a question that throws us fear and panic as we try to hide the fact we are struggling.
Parenting is a minefield, no child comes with an instruction leaflet and no two are the same. No matter how prepared you think you are there are always times that will throw you off guard and send you into a panic filled emotional whirlwind.
Most of the time we cope very well and with trial, error and a bucket load of humour we steer our way through the stormier waters. There are so many emotions that parenting throws up for us from that first rush of pure love ( oh heck if I didn’t have that am I a bad mother? ) to the overwhelm of sleepless nights, tantrums and beyond. It can also push triggers to emotional “stuff” from our own childhood.
The media portrays this glossy image to us of smiling, perfectly groomed mothers effortlessly looking after a brood of smiling, happy children as they welcome their happy relaxed partner home from his bread winning day. WOah! Reality check there …
No dinners thrown on your newly cleaned floor? ( it took you all day to manage it too) No tears or tantrums, no tired stressed partner, no worries or problems? Is it any wonder that we begin to feel guilty or inadequate or any other stressful emotion that you personally would like to substitute.
We can spend a lot of time surrounded buy those who are only too happy to fill us with tales of their perfect world, perfect pregnancy, perfect birth, perfect children ( add your personal favourite) and offer us well meant support, however it serves to make us even more stressed. Why Cant I cope like that?
No one likes to admit that they struggle at times, but for most parents there are times when we do struggle. Sadly we often feel too judged to admit this and therefore struggle on in the best way we can while feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
Add to the mix complications – my own complications came from a traumatic first pregnancy and my baby being born 12 weeks premature. Emotionally exhausting dealing with all the health hiccups and the NICU, made worse by my personal guilt at not being able to carry her to term, of not being with her around the clock for the 12 weeks she spent in hospital, I’m sure you get the picture.
My second child, born 18 months later, provided a challenge of a totally different kind. There were strange issues from very early on and after an extra long battle with Psychologists, Psychiatrists and various other agencies was diagnosed with Aspergers at 15 years old. Now that’s a very long story, that I may well share someday but for now it’s enough to acknowledge that I have experienced this.
I know only too well the emotional roller coaster that parents can get caught on and it has been my quest to find out ways to support myself through this time. When my son was around 18 months I found Bach Flower Essences and can say hand on heart that they literally saved me from spiralling into a deep dark place where I felt very irrational and this scared me. The essence I came across was Cherry Plum
According to the Bach definition “The Cherry Plum fear is very specific: it is the fear that one is going to lose control of oneself and do something dreadful, such as injuring others or harming oneself. Fears of going mad and of acting irrationally are Cherry Plum states.Cherry Plum is also the remedy for a loss of control that has already taken place, because of the frantic fear and dread associated with such situations. Think of the fear a small child feels in the grip of a screaming, irrational tantrum: this too is a Cherry Plum state.”
I had no idea how it worked but it was a blessing that it did! I iguess this is where my love of essences really began and I would be drawn back to them time and again when I needed support.
Having witnessed the power that the essences have in supporting us through times of challenge and distress it is my wish to empower other parents and gift them with the support to enable them to return to balance and to re-ignite their joy in parenting.
If you would like to find out how essences could help support you please contact me at https://sallyarthurs.youcanbook.me